Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
