got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
