If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize