dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
