so explain again why im purple
no
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Randomize
