a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
