dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
