Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
