She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize