Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
