Drunk walkin through police station. America
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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