Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize