She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
