We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
