just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
