It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
