i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
