No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
