Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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