Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
