my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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