Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I want her autograph on my taint
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
pray to the hookup gods
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
