So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
