I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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