Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize