My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
