But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
