If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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