Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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