Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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