I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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