i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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