She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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