No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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