I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
