I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
