Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
