Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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