Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize