no. you can't hotbox the world.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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