those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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