I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
