Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
