Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
