you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
