I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
