Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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