I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
