she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize