He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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