just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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