I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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