dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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