He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
