dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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