I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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