it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
