So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
