Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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