do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
