Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
