I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i just had sex bonerless
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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