so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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