Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Randomize
