you would pick up someone in the library
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
