Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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