i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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