420 ftw
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
