Fuck appropriateness.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
