dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We have started to decorate penises.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize