woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
