hell yes lets make some ravioli
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
