dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
