My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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