At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
