well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize