um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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