i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I intend to get homeless drunk
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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