Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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