I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
