my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
