I just saw a hot homeless man
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
well you can't waste a boner
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
