a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
