He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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