I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
