I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
