so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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