Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize