dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
