You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
