I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
