What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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