Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
