I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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