It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
