At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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