Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
